Temper Tantrums

Temper tantrums, a familiar occurrence for parents of young children, are a part of a child’s behavioral and emotional growth and development. They most often happen between ages 1 to 3, and typically prior to or in conjunction with language development. When kids don’t have the ability to express their wants, needs, or emotions in words that others can understand, they will sometimes throw a temper tantrum out of frustration.

However, just because tantrums are part of growing up doesn’t make them easy for parents to handle. Tantrums can happen anywhere and at any time, so it’s important for parents to have a tantrum toolkit of handy tips and guidelines readily available.
 

How to survive the tantrum phase

• Praise the good things your child does. Don’t just call out when they’re misbehaving. Sometimes kids have a tantrum because they feel they aren’t getting attention. Giving your child praise for doing something good is one way to redirect attention-seeking behavior from negative to positive.
• Ignore negative attention-seeking behavior. One way to discourage tantrums is to ignore them. By ignoring tantrums and praising good behavior, your child will learn that only acceptable behavior will get your attention. However, never ignore hitting, kicking, or biting – take a zero-tolerance approach to violent or aggressive behavior and let your child know that behavior that is dangerous to him or others is never acceptable. Consequences for this behavior should be immediate and appropriate for the offense. For example, if your 3 year-old hits their sibling on Tuesday, the consequence shouldn’t be not getting to watch their favorite TV show on Friday. Instead, establish an immediate time-out. You can use the old rule of thumb that a child’s time-out length should be one minute for each year (so, if your child is five, their time-out would be five minutes long).
• Establish house rules and enforce them so that your child will know what acceptable behavior is. By setting expectations for behavior, your child will understand what you believe is good behavior and what is not. Other caregivers, like grandparents and babysitters, should know and enforce the house rules, too, so that they’re applied consistently.
• Give them opportunities to make decisions. If your child is having a temper tantrum, give them the opportunity to make decisions to give them a sense of control over the situation. Instead of giving them directives (“Go to your room”) or asking them yes/no questions (“Do you want to go to your room?”), consider giving them options you pick (“Do you want to go to your room for a few minutes or would you rather take a walk?”).
• Model good behavior. By watching how you handle frustration or anger, your child will learn how to manage their emotions. Be mindful of your reaction to stressful situations – you are your child’s first and best teacher.
• Change the scenery. Sometimes simply removing your child from the room can help redirect their attention. Move to a different room or try taking a walk together.
• Identify tantrum triggers. Pay attention to what seems to lead to a tantrum, and do your best to avoid those triggers. For example, do tantrums always seem to happen when your child is hungry? Or tired? Planning for these situations can help avoid them altogether – throw a few healthy snacks in your purse or make sure you stick to your child’s regular nap times.
• Be kind to yourself as you and your child grow together. If you’re feeling on edge or frustrated, take a break: ensure your child isn’t in danger of harm, walk away from the situation, take 10 deep breaths and return when you are more composed.
   

When to ask your pediatrician for help

If your child is continually having temper tantrums and the situation isn’t getting better despite your efforts, if you feel overwhelmed or concerned about your child’s health, or if temper tantrum behavior has led to your child’s dismissal from daycare or school, ask your child’s doctor for help. Your pediatrician can provide advice and determine if there is another reason for the temper tantrums.
 

Resources from the American Academy of Pediatrics

• Topic: Temper Tantrums
• Disciplining Your Child
• How to Shape and Manage Your Child's Behavior
• How to Understand Your Child's Temperament